Friday, March 1, 2013

Dissolved dreams afflict moms.

I'm not the only one! Remembering my last post, here's a fantastic follow-up on moms pursuing dreams, written by Nicole Carpenter, a KSL Contributor:
"I believe there is a silent epidemic of dissolved dreams afflicting women who have put many dreams on hold to be a wife and mother...Those dreams don’t truly go away because they are a part of who we are, a part of who we are meant to be. They will weigh heavy on your mind, or offer a burning sensation in your heart, and you should believe because all dreams are real."
Continue reading this moving article.

My dream fulfilled: circus acrobat!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Mom, where's your fun self?

The fun, daring part of me was lost and buried when my new identity became "Mom."

As a young, naïve mom, I expected myself to find complete satisfaction in life by cooking, cleaning and tending to my sweet babies 24/7, all between the walls of my little home. Like so many other moms, I thought it was selfish to do things by myself and for myself. Have you ever felt this way?

After 4 years of full-time, serious motherhood, I wasn't vibrant or vivacious anymore. I wasn't excited or interesting.

Painting ceramics without kids at Color Me Mine with my sis-in-law.
I mean, I used to be fun! What happened to that girl?!

Monday, February 25, 2013

Dear husband

Dear husband,

Remember the other night when we had a little fight?

You said, "You should get the wok really hot before you add the vegetables so they fry quickly instead of steaming." And what I heard was, "Please don't screw up my dinner again because I really think you're a crappy cook." And so I snapped, "If you don't like the way I cook, you can do it yourself!" And then you coaxed, "Sweetie, I didn't mean..." And I retorted, "Yeah, well that's what it sounded like." And then you turned around and walked out of the room.

Yeah. Sorry for that.

I wasn't trying to be offended. But, I guess I also wasn't trying not to be offended.

And when I apologized, you gave me a hug, kissed the top of my head and said, "Don't worry about it, sweetie. I forgive you."

And women think they're superior.

Friday, February 22, 2013

When good ideas punch me in the face.

The kids get in the pantry. They scale the walls, stuffing their fat cheeks with crackers, raisins and nuts while I slave over dinner at the hot stove. And then they don't eat their dinner. And it drives me crazy. And it has to stop.

Enter: Shower-curtain rod.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

What if we moved?

I kinda hate the name of my blog. I really, really don't like Disney Princesses. I didn't mean to name it after a princess. It just kinda happened.

So, what would you think about moving?

I have a new blog I've been working on. I'll still write about this domestic stuff, but I want to add tutorials and talk about fashion and art and life, not that I'm particularly awesome at those things. I'm just interested. And I want to write about more interests.

This blog, Cinderella Duty, would be re-directed to the new one.

So, what do you think? Would you still be my friend and visit from time-to-time?

Zoloft Withdrawals: Update

If my doctor had told me when I was in her office, slumped in a chair holding my 3-month-old boy, that Zoloft HAD withdrawal symptoms, I wouldn't have taken it.

And I would have only survived the following year by breathing, eating and sleeping. I mean, the fact was, my hormones caused me to have intense Post-Partum Depression. There's no denying that.

So, do I regret taking Zoloft? Absolutely not. It gave my brain a boost and helped override the post-partum & nursing hormones that left me mentally & emotionally dead.

Around the time the boy turned 2, I felt my mind fighting for control, whispering, pleading to come back to life. Zoloft at this point just made me ridiculously drowsy. So, I talked with my doctor and we decided it was time to be done with it, thank goodness. I HATE taking medicine in general anyway.

Since my last post on weaning off Zoloft, I lowered my dose to 25mg for about a week, until I felt stabilized and healthy. Last Saturday, I stopped taking Zoloft completely.

I've been off Zoloft for 5 days now. There are definite pros & cons.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Crock Pot love.

Crock Pots were, no doubt, invented by members of the Heavenly Host. They require only 5 minutes to prep and allow 0 minutes to worry about dinner at 5:43 pm. So, why on earth don't I use this thing more?!

Because I don't want to worry about it at 12:26 pm either.

Weaning off Zoloft sucks.

Image Source
Brain zaps. Migraines. Vertigo. Memory loss. Sudden anger. Digestive issues (ahem). If you've ever had withdrawal symptoms from going off Zoloft (Sertraline), you know what I'm talking about.

I started taking Zoloft about 4 months after I had my boy because of severe post-partum depression and post-partum anxiety. My body was chemically thrown into the stratosphere after his birth. Nursing him until he was 1yo just sustained the issues.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Kids say it how it is.

As I am snoozin' in bed this morning, the toddler yells from his crib, "Mommy! Mommy, no more sleepin'! Mommy! Get up!" And I yell back, "I'm NOT sleeping!" Why do I feel like I have to defend myself to a 2 year old? Because he's right and I hate it.

So, I peel myself from my warm blankets, stumble into the hall, bracing myself on the doorway into his room, and heave him from his crib. I rush back to the hall and, just as I'm diving midair toward my bed, he cries, "Mommy, no! Eat!" "Oh, but we have to cuddle first," I coax as I nestle into the blankets.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Mom Exhibit: I bought a house!

My hiatus has an excuse. But, that's all it is. In reality, I was starting to feel owned by blogging.

But for real, I bought a house. I saw my dream house on the internet and put an offer on it the next day. I wasn't looking to buy because renting really is the safest bet 100% of the time.

So here I am in my new home. It's pretty and pretty awesome. When I moved in, I thought, "I'll always keep this kitchen clean! It's so big!"

I'll let you guess how long that lasted.

Thinking Clean

So, remember that breakthrough I had a month ago? The one here when I realized I didn't like having a trashed house? Well, I want to show you what I've come up with.

In the past year, I've had many eye-opening experiences in my search for balance in my life. There are two lessons I learned that have stuck with me and have been key in helping me be a more relaxed, happier homemaker. 
  1. Maintain the mess (read about that breakthrough here).
  2. Want to clean (read about that breakthrough here).

I started rethinking my definition of "clean" in the kitchen and dining room, since they are the heart of the house. 'Cause if they're out of order, mom's out of order.

So, let's start with "Maintain the mess." Stuff piling up on the kitchen counter is inevitable. Dirtying dishes is inevitable. Crumbs on the table are inevitable. So, what absolutely is the bare minimum that must be done in order for the kitchen and dining room to function?

The dishes must be done as they get dirty because we all know they just accumulate into a rotting, ceramic pile of Mt. Fuji eruption. The table must be 98% clear of stuff so we can sit down to eat as soon as food is ready. Otherwise, I'm overwhelmed by the extra work of cleaning the table AND making the meals. I really think that's the bare minimum for me. That way I can cook and serve meals quickly and easily. The dishwasher must be run when it's full or mostly full and emptied as soon as it's ready and I have time. This way, I always have the clean dishes I need and don't have to stop to wash the strainer. It also gives me a place to put those dirty dishes.

So, what are the extra things that need to be done? Wiping the counters & table, sweeping and mopping the floor, clearing all the miscellaneous junk off the counter, vacuuming the carpet in the dining room (who seriously puts carpet there?!). These things don't have to be done for the kitchen to function, even though I may want them done. These are the messes I can maintain. They are inevitable and I should expect them. I'll do them when I can, but shouldn't expect myself to do them on a daily basis while I have little ones at home.

The second way of thinking, wanting to clean, has still been working for me. I used to loathe walking in the kitchen, standing in front of the sink, letting out a huge exhale as I wipe my forehead and start sorting the "fragrant" dishes. That's what I'd think about when I thought, "Ugh, I haaaave to do the dishes."

But now, I'm training myself to think "No, I want to do the dishes." And then, I give myself reasons why I want to. I remember how doing the dishes means I can enjoy a mostly-empty sink every morning. I remember that it means I always have the utensils I need to make quick meals. I think of how I feel so proud of myself when I do them.

These two changes in thought are becoming more and more natural as I keep them in mind throughout the day. I only expect myself to do the bare minimums each day in the kitchen and dining room. And if I have time for some of those extra things, I do a few, thus maintaining the mess so it doesn't swallow me whole.

I'm proud of myself for keeping my home running and not giving up. And, I'm proud of you for always wanting to be a better person. This world is still full to the brim with beautiful people. That's a happy thought.