I Do Stand-Up Comedy!

2016 is my year. It's my year to do whuteverthehell I want. Whuteverthehell! So, I chose stand-up comedy. Whuuuuut???

That's me!

Why I'm Quitting Stay-At-Home-Mom

Standing near the produce at the Food Lion grocery store when I was eight, my mom promised me, "If you go to college, I'll pay for every cent." Deal.

And now, I'm standing in front of my life choices, watching them play out in slow motion. What the hell have I done?

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I Quit Homeschooling

"My oldest is really advanced." The elementary principle rolled his eyes at me. "Every parent thinks that," he said. "I know, but, just test her," I replied.

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Mom, where's your fun self?

The fun, daring part of me was lost and buried when my new identity became "Mom."

As a young, naïve mom, I expected myself to find complete satisfaction in life by cooking, cleaning and tending to my sweet babies 24/7, all between the walls of my little home. Like so many other moms, I thought it was selfish to do things by myself and for myself. Have you ever felt this way?

After 4 years of full-time, serious motherhood, I wasn't vibrant or vivacious anymore. I wasn't excited or interesting.

Painting ceramics without kids at Color Me Mine with my sis-in-law.

I mean, I used to be fun! What happened to that girl?!

Mom on strike goes to therapy

I went on strike two months ago. I was on strike against the Homemaking Union. We have no rights, no freedoms, no pay, no one standing up for us making sure our work isn’t ruined.

I, like many of you, was so exhausted from constantly redoing housework that I tried so hard to do that was constantly being undone. It’s seriously like chasing your tail. And since I’m an intelligent woman, I finally admitted I wasn’t ever going to catch it. So I said, “Screw it.”

Mom Exhibit: Another mom fights the dust

I'm not alone! My girl, Deb, sent me this email the other night and I just about peed my pants. Let's give a shout-out to our newest Mom Exhibit contributor. I know she'll feel welcome here!

My name is Deborah — and I am the mother of a messy house.

For 6 years, my family and I lived in a fabulous neighborhood. I was surrounded by amazing people, and yet...I can count on my left hand the number of people I ever invited INto my house. And I know of only ONE person whom I ever felt 100% at ease with just "dropping" by at any time.

Secret to a clean house

There is one, right? A secret to a clean house?

I think most of us are sure that there is, indeed, a secret that we just haven't figured out. When my first baby turned one, I set out to discover that secret.

Image Source here

It started on the internet. I read blog after blog with all kinds of tips and tricks to keeping a clean house. I tried many with no lasting success. So, I got serious. I marched right into my tiny town library and checked out a book, "The Ultimate Career: The Art of Homemaking for Today," by the cutest little lady, Daryl Hoole.

I read that book and set my mind to follow through with Daryl's advice. My favorite of all her secrets? Clutter attracts clutter. (Read a great synopsis of her book here.)

But, I want to stop there with the cleaning advice, because really you all know I'm not qualified for or interested in cleaning advice.

I want to point out the true secret to a clean house.

Holiday meltdown: Mom Exhibit

Girl. Let me tell you.

I. am. pooped.

I've got one of those haven't-slept-well-in-nights headaches and my shoulders are so heavy. For the past 2 days, I've wanted to post about a million different things.

But, then I remember the whites that have been soaking in the washer for 2 days when it was only supposed to be over night, the dishwasher that has sat 1/2 full and the dirty ones in the sink I could just throw in real quick to get it started, the vacuum I need to pick up from the repair shop (30 min away) so I can finally clear the carpet of the 3-week-old food chunks, the gifts I still need to make for Christmas, the wrapping (ooohhh the wrapping—worst part, right?), the car that we still can't drive because it needs to go to the shop (it's been sitting in the driveway for close to 3 months), the realization that the kids have no clean winter clothes as of 4 days ago.

Tis the season.

It's too much to think about. So, sorry—it felt like too much for me to take a pic of the house, hook up the camera to the computer, download pics, edit lighting in Photoshop, save the image and upload to blogger. Just look back at other Mom Exhibit posts. Nothing's changed.

Take this, Charlie Brown: Mom Exhibit

Oh, Christmas tree...

You're looking pretty pathetic these days...pretty sparse on the bottom half. The girl's constantly rearranging and the boy whacks at ya with drum sticks. Your surroundings don't help.

What matters most, though, is that you're loved. Mostly loved. Because the girl "likes everything except for one thing: the bow on top." "Because I hate bows," she says.

So moms, don't stress or apologize to visitors. We understand. You tried to make it look nice. There's a time and season for everything. And this season isn't the season for Martha Stewart-esque decor.

Link up below and show me your "kid-proof" tree. Click the link below, "Click here to enter."

Who are "they" anyway?

Your older sister offers you her high-end used-one-time drop-rail crib for your new baby. "Oh, sorry, sis. But, they say the drop-rail cribs are too dangerous now. I need to buy a brand new one that meets all of their guidelines."

Your aunt is feeding your 6-month-old peas out of the Gerber jar. She closes it and puts it back in the fridge for tomorrow. You sneak in later & throw it out thinking, "They say not to double-dip in the jar because the saliva from the first feeding makes it go bad."

Or maybe your grandma makes your 11-month-old a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

"Oh, grandma! She can't eat peanut butter! They say not to feed it to babies until they are at least 1 year old."

Your 1 1/2 year old son's legs are wrapped around his neck but you refuse to put him in a forward-facing carseat because "they say to wait until they are 2 years of age."

Who are "they" anyway and why are they in charge of everything in regards to the care for our babies and children?

Down under: Mom Exhibit

Deep down under the dining table, lying in the dark abyss of the ocean floor, live undiscovered, unclassified beings. Some are quickly ingested by the local carpet creatures. Others lurk, waiting to embed bare feet with their sharp, stinging edges.

Yes, I do shower: Mom Exhibit

I do get dressed, you know...occasionally. I'm not aaaalways in my pajamas. Most days I do throw on jeans and a tee. It's just that the last two weeks, I've been sick. And you know that means pajamas, for sure. Thank goodness I'm on the mend. As for my husband and kids?

Put down your toilet wands: Mom Exhibit

I've had a breakthrough.

Follow me. The other day, my girl, Kim, gave a great tip. Set a timer for 10-15 minutes, clean with the kids as fast as you can and then be done for the day. And then, in a moment of silence and pondering, the heavens opened and a ray of light shone down upon my face, illuminating the grease in my hair from several days of not showering.

Clean House In 1 Hour: Mom Exhibit

"Clean your ENTIRE house in 1 hour" was the claim of an article on Yahoo last week. My eyes lit up as I clicked on the link, hoping for a breakthrough. The article states that if you spend 9-15 minutes in each room, working your way down and out, you'll be done in 1 measly hour.

I'm going to re-name this article, "Clean Your Childless Loft In Less Than One Hour."

And just to prove my point, I tried it. Here's how it went down.

I started in the catch-all of the house, my bedroom. I hope this makes you feel reeeeeally good about yourself. Otherwise, I've published these humiliating photos in vain.

Don't go upstairs! Mom Exhibit

I love having friends in my home, especially if I know you're coming. I'll usually tidy the living room a bit and make sure there's nothing gross in the visible areas, like a stinky diaper.

However, there are no words to describe the nauseated feeling I get when you have to run upstairs "real quick" to grab your child. This little commercial clip portrays it perfectly:

Mom Exhibit: Day 1

Can I just say I'm really, really terrified to publish this? I am afraid that you'll judge me. I'm scared that this project won't go over the way I intended.

With that said, here's why I'm divulging the mess in which I live.

Messy house on display!

Are you ready for this?! Imagine getting a candid, un-edited look into the home of an everyday mom. Yes, I appear to have it all together. But, I want to show you what's really going on behind the scenes. Why on earth would I do this? More on that tomorrow.

The "Mom Exhibit" will be open December 1-31, 2011. Feature one of my buttons on your site and I'll do the same for you. Email your button info to cinderelladuty@gmail.com.

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"Guilt is a useless emotion"

"Guilt is a useless emotion," says my therapist.

Cricket. Cricket. "Whaaaaat did you just say?"
"Guilt. It's a useless emotion." And then she explains:

Give me your dresses

So, I always have grand ideas that I could do things like run a soup kitchen or start a charity to deliver clothes to homeless children across the country. But, I'm just one little person. I'm just Becky.

How I ALMOST ruined my kid

When my first child was born, I felt the responsibility to tend to her every need, be her best friend and playmate, jump at her every request, take her to weekly story time at the library, join playgroups so she could have friends. I decided that, come hell or high water, I was going to be the best mom this little girl could ever have.