I Do Stand-Up Comedy!

2016 is my year. It's my year to do whuteverthehell I want. Whuteverthehell! So, I chose stand-up comedy. Whuuuuut???

That's me!

Why I'm Quitting Stay-At-Home-Mom

Standing near the produce at the Food Lion grocery store when I was eight, my mom promised me, "If you go to college, I'll pay for every cent." Deal.

And now, I'm standing in front of my life choices, watching them play out in slow motion. What the hell have I done?

source

Dear husband

Dear husband,

Remember the other night when we had a little fight?

You said, "You should get the wok really hot before you add the vegetables so they fry quickly instead of steaming." And what I heard was, "Please don't screw up my dinner again because I really think you're a crappy cook." And so I snapped, "If you don't like the way I cook, you can do it yourself!" And then you coaxed, "Sweetie, I didn't mean..." And I retorted, "Yeah, well that's what it sounded like." And then you turned around and walked out of the room.

Yeah. Sorry for that.

I wasn't trying to be offended. But, I guess I also wasn't trying not to be offended.

And when I apologized, you gave me a hug, kissed the top of my head and said, "Don't worry about it, sweetie. I forgive you."

And women think they're superior.

Does your husband clean? (Revised)

Dear Cinderella,
        Let's discuss gender rules. Why is it that my husband spouts how he isn't one of those 1960's husbands who feels its soley the wife's duty to clean, and yet there's only about once a month it occurs to him that he, too, is responsible for the task of keeping our home clean?
        Pointing out this fact is dangerous and usually ignites a fight which will generally end in one extra day of effort from Prince Charming to place his pants somewhere other than the back of my dining room chair.
        I have a good man. He is hard-working. He is honest, kind and a great father to my children. However, there are times I wonder if I'm alone in my desire for him to help me clean. Many nights, I'll wait for him to sleep before I begin, because cleaning while he merely sits on the couch reading or watching TV generally makes me just more bitter. Am I alone? Am I having a wave of crazy irrationality and need to step back?

—The Scullery Maid

Dear Sculley,

Please excuse me, but I am revising my previous* answer to your question. My husband and I talked this evening and I realized my initial response didn't account for his view of our situation.

So, I think the only way to truly describe how we resolved it, is to bring him in on this one.

Let me first say that from my perspective, I'd beaten this topic into the ground. I had come at my man from every angle, begging for help around the house. I tried being kind and sweet. I cried. I got angry. I tried to ignore it. Nothing had any lasting change. I would always end up sucking it up and cleaning by myself, feeling alone, forgotten and resentful.

Great news, literally!

Me, in all my morning freakiness.

Best news, everrrrr! My first article was published in the Deseret News this very morning!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!

I'm seriously freaking out, so excited. Elated, really! I'm restraining myself right now from having an exclamation storm all up in this page.

I've been pretty bummed because it's taken a long time for it to be published. Just yesterday I was mulling over the idea of emailing the publisher to ask if there was a scheduled date yet.

But here it is, friends, this glorious day! I actually hear a bird chirping outside right now. Ah, the birth of spring and best article in the universe...on the same day. Who knew?!

No, but for real. Will you take a peek? Pretty please? Here it is, best article in the universe.

Is withholding intimacy a joke?

Saw this posted on Facebook today. My opinion? Not funny. Actually, it's highly offensive to me. Why? Because this is real! It's actually a huge issue in so many marriages, even mine. But, for some reason, women feel that if they joke about it and can laugh together, than they're actually not doing anything wrong.

What's your take on it?