I Do Stand-Up Comedy!

2016 is my year. It's my year to do whuteverthehell I want. Whuteverthehell! So, I chose stand-up comedy. Whuuuuut???

That's me!

Why I'm Quitting Stay-At-Home-Mom

Standing near the produce at the Food Lion grocery store when I was eight, my mom promised me, "If you go to college, I'll pay for every cent." Deal.

And now, I'm standing in front of my life choices, watching them play out in slow motion. What the hell have I done?

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I Quit Homeschooling

"My oldest is really advanced." The elementary principle rolled his eyes at me. "Every parent thinks that," he said. "I know, but, just test her," I replied.

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Dissolved dreams afflict moms.

I'm not the only one! Remembering my last post, here's a fantastic follow-up on moms pursuing dreams, written by Nicole Carpenter, a KSL Contributor:

"I believe there is a silent epidemic of dissolved dreams afflicting women who have put many dreams on hold to be a wife and mother...Those dreams don’t truly go away because they are a part of who we are, a part of who we are meant to be. They will weigh heavy on your mind, or offer a burning sensation in your heart, and you should believe because all dreams are real."

Continue reading this moving article.

My dream fulfilled: circus acrobat!

Mom, where's your fun self?

The fun, daring part of me was lost and buried when my new identity became "Mom."

As a young, naïve mom, I expected myself to find complete satisfaction in life by cooking, cleaning and tending to my sweet babies 24/7, all between the walls of my little home. Like so many other moms, I thought it was selfish to do things by myself and for myself. Have you ever felt this way?

After 4 years of full-time, serious motherhood, I wasn't vibrant or vivacious anymore. I wasn't excited or interesting.

Painting ceramics without kids at Color Me Mine with my sis-in-law.

I mean, I used to be fun! What happened to that girl?!

Dear husband

Dear husband,

Remember the other night when we had a little fight?

You said, "You should get the wok really hot before you add the vegetables so they fry quickly instead of steaming." And what I heard was, "Please don't screw up my dinner again because I really think you're a crappy cook." And so I snapped, "If you don't like the way I cook, you can do it yourself!" And then you coaxed, "Sweetie, I didn't mean..." And I retorted, "Yeah, well that's what it sounded like." And then you turned around and walked out of the room.

Yeah. Sorry for that.

I wasn't trying to be offended. But, I guess I also wasn't trying not to be offended.

And when I apologized, you gave me a hug, kissed the top of my head and said, "Don't worry about it, sweetie. I forgive you."

And women think they're superior.

When good ideas punch me in the face.

The kids get in the pantry. They scale the walls, stuffing their fat cheeks with crackers, raisins and nuts while I slave over dinner at the hot stove. And then they don't eat their dinner. And it drives me crazy. And it has to stop.

Enter: Shower-curtain rod.