A REAL woman

So, let's begin. Pretend you knock on my front door right now. This is what you'll find cowering in the corner, so silent, sitting on the kids, covering their mouths so no one makes a peep. "We're noooootttt hoooommme," I scream-whisper-yell in my mind. "Goooooo awaaaaayy!" Actually, I wish I had a picture of that. It'd be frame-worthy for sure. So, this is probably what I'd look like the instant before you knock on my door - no fear or terror in the face yet, as you can see.

Nice look, huh? No, this isn't my good side. Yes, it's almost 4 pm and I have not taken off this beautiful nightgown I swore I only bought to wear in the hospital when I had baby #2. No, I have not done my hair - it air-dried and you know how good your hair looks that way. Yes, those are mascara circles under my eyes.

Today is actually one of my "bad days". I haven't done much more than empty the dishwasher and feed the kids. I'm kinda overwhelmed by the pile of dishes in the sink and paper shards, glue sticks and crayons that cover the kitchen table to do much more than stare. Here's how I feel about it:

So, you wanna clean it for me?! Yeah, me either. I'm gonna do what I always do in this situation: leave the house. Of course, I'll have to shower first and get dressed so no one knows I actually live like this. Gotta prep my public self...unless...unless I go to Walmart!! No, just kidding. Who actually does that. I'm not setting the bar THAT low. Come on, girls. Have some self respect.